It's estimated that nowadays the average divorce costs a staggering £13,000. Most of us haven't got anything like that sum to expend, so divorce almost inevitably leads to debt. Even if you get legal aid, if you have a home and can keep it until the children leave full-time education, the costs of the divorce will attach as a kind of mortgage to the property, so that eventually when it's sold they will have to be repaid.

Is there any way to cut down on the amount of money you spend on your divorce?

In fact, there is a way in which you can considerably reduce the bills which your separation will entail. You can negotiate your own agreements about children, finances, pension entitlement and property with the help of a trained family mediator. Professional family mediation services now exist countrywide - your telephone directory or Citizens’ Advice Bureau will be able to give you details of the one nearest to you.

People sometimes believe that the purpose of family mediation is to try to persuade the couple to stay together, but it's actually for couples who have already decided that they are going to separate. If there is a chance that you may be able to reconcile, you should go for counselling to an agency such as Relate or Marriage Care, where experts will be able to advise and help you.

Family mediators don't make judgments. They don't take sides and they don't tell you what to do. Mediation is a totally confidential process. The objective is to provide a couple with a safe, neutral environment, where they can be helped to discuss the issues between them and to reach their own solutions to those issues.

Disputes about children - where they are to live or how often they are to spend time with the non-resident parent, for example - can very often be resolved in one or two sessions. One thing both parents will have in common is that they will want their children to come through the experience of divorce with as little hurt as possible. Parents who are hurting themselves sometimes don't notice how their disagreements may be affecting the children; mediation helps them both to focus on the importance of making their own arrangements, so that the children can be reassured that what is to happen to them is a joint decision, rather than something imposed by an unknown and possibly scary judge.

Financial and property problems can be sorted once details of the income and assets of a couple have been produced and the various options explored with the help of the mediator. The first task will be for the couple to produce documentary evidence of everything related to finance.

Not every case results in agreement, but even if it reaches the point where you have gathered much of the information yourselves, you will still have made savings by getting the solicitors involved at a later stage. Going to a family mediator is very much cheaper than doing everything through a solicitor - even better, it saves you emotionally by reducing pointless bitterness and acrimony, to the benefit of the whole family.

Judges of the High Court Family Division are now encouraging couples to look at mediation rather than fighting court battles. An information desk has recently been installed at the Principal Registry, where there are 20 family courts.

To find out more about mediation, go to the website of Mediation UK or take a look at Maureen Mullally's book 'DIY Separation & Divorce'.

Maureen Mullally is author of the book 'DIY Separation & Divorce' - a guide to the divorce process - and 'You Can't Marry Your Mother-in-Law and Other Common Legal Misconceptions' - a witty book looking at the quirky, and sometimes, humorous legal myths and misconceptions that abound today. She has practised as a barrister specialising in family law for over 25 years and now works as a mediator in family disputes.

Useful information
DIY Separation & Divorce book by Maureen Mullally
You Can't Marry Your Mother-in-Law and Other Common Legal Misconceptions by Maureen Mullally